A Poet, a Space-Monk-Wizard, a Vampire Prince, a Heroin Addict
by Vem Ibonek
Summary: It says directly from the title. Christian was a love-obssessed poet, though now very broken-hearted, Obi-Wan is a snarky with a damp of sarcastic Jedi Knight, Ben is a very misunderstood vampire prince., and Renton is a cynical heroin-addict tying hard to be clean. Have them all together and we'll have a catastrophe. A guest appearance from the one and only, Ewan McGregor!
1. Hello There!

I'm so obssessed with Ewan McGregor. Out of boredom, I decided to make this. And note, this is not like the Attack of the Ewan McGregor Clones story nor the Off to Clone Land not even the Moulin Potter Wars. This is purely mine, though the characters aren't (execpt Ben, he's my OC based on Ewan). Now onwards with the catastrophes!

_Location: Edinburgh, Scotland_

We first see a flash of light that somehow delivers a very depressed Christian only wearing tank tops and pants with suspenders.

Christian: What in the world? I was just in my apartment in Montemarte, but suddenly, I am here, wherever am I. (looks at his body) Good gracious, I am wearing thinly!

The bushes rustled revealing the daring persona of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Obi-Wan: That is the last time I race with Anakin. (notices Christian) Oh, hello there.

Christian: Are you a local?

Obi-Wan: Kriff no, I only got here because of my stupid Padawan. What about you?

Christian: A sip of absinthe brought me to this unknown place.

Obi-Wan: I guess we're both stuck then.

A tired Ben Ibonek shows up to the two handsome lads. He was very tired.

Ben: Have you seen two teenagers walk around here? Both male and female, blond-haired. (pants heavily)

Christian: Sorry, but we haven't seen such people.

Obi-Wan: We only arrived five minutes ago.

Ben: I give up. They are really hard to catch.

Obi-Wan: Who are you searching for anyway?

Ben: My cousins. I was supposed to keep an eye on them.

Christian: You look tired sir. I think you really need some rest.

Ben: I can't. They are my responsibility.

Obi-Wan: Well, they are adolescents. They can care for themselves. It is you, however, who needs quite a lot of care.

Ben: Well, I suppose so.

Obi-Wan: What about you? (referring to Christian)

Christian: Yeah, I'll come. I will drown out the sorrows, _she_ left me doing that.

Obi-Wan and Ben looked at him with great wonder and confusion. After a moment of sheer silence, Obi broke the ice.

Obi-Wan: Alright, it's settled then.

Ben: Shall we go men? I'll ask your names later.

Obi-Wan: Going out with people who resembles each other. This'll be fun! Don't you say man wearing tank tops and suspenders?

Christian: We are we going anyway? Don't tell me it's a night club.

Ben: We will go to men's favorite hub, aside from that, the gym, and the boy's restroom. The bar.

Please tell me what you think about this chapter. Coming up! Drunk Christian, a spectulating Obi, and the appearance of Mark _fucking_ Renton! Stay tuned everyone!


	2. Scot-spotting

Ben: Where did you say you're from again?

Obi-Wan: I'm from Coruscant. Gee, how many times do I have to repeat myself?

~~~~~

After several minutes of searching, the hot partly-let's-assume-Scottish trio finally found a place to drink.

Obi-Wan: Well? Can you guys read it? I certainly could not. Kriff, I'm not even from here.

Ben: The Fizz, Best Bar 'Round Edinburgh.

Christian: That sounds like an overstatement to me.

They approached the bartender's table.

Bartender: What can I get 'ya? You'll from England?

Obi-Wan: Actually I'm- (Ben covers his bearded mouth)

Ben: He's raised here in Scotland but...he moved to London when was 16. I'm sorry he's not himself today, so he has the tendency to lie a lot. Right? (nudges Obi)

Obi-Wan: Yes, you can say that. (whispers) Just what in nine Corellian Sith hells did you just tell?

Ben: (also whispers) Stick with it because you can't tell them you're from space, if you do, well, it's a sorry. Now, tell the man your order to get it over with.

The Bartender stares at them suspiciously.

Obi-Wan: (whispers) Alright, fine. But do you have to make me look like a fool? (clears throat) I'll take a pint of whiskey. (glares maliciously at Ben)

Ben: I'll have one pint too. (avoiding the Jedi's gaze)

Bartender: What 'bout you?

Christian: The strongest you got.

Bartender: Well beer's the only thing strong. And it's Scottish beer.

Christian: I'll take ten.

Obi-Wan: Woah!

Ben: Are you sure you can take it?

Christian: At least I won't be sober for a handful of hours.

The two looked at him but then decided to sit down by a window after a moment. Christian gloomily joins them.

Ben: Seriously, why do you need 10 fricking cans of beer in the middle of the day?

Christian: I don't want to think about her. The Sparkling Diamond. The love of my life. Her name was-

Christian's revelation is interrupted when a man in his mid-20's appears to the trio. He seemed tobe confused by the change of his surroundings.

Renton: Where the fuck am I?

Ben: Watch the language.

Renton: Sorry, not sorry (rolls his blue eyes) Get me some shitty liquor, oi.

He sits beside a wallowing Christian.

Renton: You lads are friends?

Obi-Wan: Close acquintances.

Ben: We just met each other.

Renton: Well, friends, acquintances, it doesn't bloody mattet. The important thing is that you're together drinking some kind of beer I can't possibly afford. Reminds me a lot me, Spud, Sick Boy, Begbie. Good times.

Ben: It's whiskey.

Renton: Whatever. Now who's drinking the good stuff.

Obi-Wan: Him, I suppose. (points at Christian)

Ben: You know we have no idea who the gell you are and why are you here with us.

Renton: Say, somehow the universe wanted us to be together because we all look like other's shit. By the way, name's Renton. Mark Renton. And you?

Ben: Ben Ibonek. (sipping a bit of his drink)

Obi-Wan: Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Renton: (turns to Obi) You named by bloody Asians?

Obi-Wan: (whispers) Kriffing son of a bantha.

Renton: Who's this?

Ben: He's...(shakes the sleeping writer) wake up!

Christian: Ah, Satine!

Obi-Wan and Ben looked at Christian with an ultimately, unlikely, great shock.

Renton: Holy shit! Now that's a fuckin' hit.

Obi-Wan: Christian, are you alright? If you are, why did you suddenly blurted the name of the person I did not secretly fell in love and involved with?

Ben: Why do you know her?

Christian once agains succumbs to slumber.

Renton: (checks his seatmate's temp) He's bloody cold, mate. He'll have to answer your questions later when he's fully sober.

Ben: That's quite enough beer for him.

Suddenly, the Bartender announced a name. A very special name of one of the greatest actors (in my opinion) of Scotland.

Bartender: Ewan! So nice seein' you 'ere again.


End file.
